as constant as a star
by Meocaroba
Summary: Four times Hotaru Imai can't sleep and one time she doesn't want to. / Canon fic
1. Chapter 1

**i.**

It's Hotaru Imai's first day at the Academy and her mind won't let her rest. The mattress beneath her is harder than she's used to, the pillow under her head itchy. The fabric smells like citrus, like washing powder, like something unfamiliar and strange. Her parents' breathing, usually in the next room, isn't there any longer. Over and over her head repeats these facts, always coming to the same conclusion:

She isn't home anymore. This is home now.

It would be wrong to say she is scared. The Academy will provide opportunities she never could have dreamed of. She can earn money, collect investors, dominate the technical ability class. She might even meet the brother her parents have told her about, the boy with healing hands, who left them too soon.

No, Hotaru isn't scared. There are far too many reasons not to be scared.

( _Yet you are still scared_ , a part of her mind whispers to her. It's the part responsible for emotions, the part that disregards both logic and reason. She ignores it.)

When her head won't quiet down, Hotaru slips out of her bed and into the soft slippers her mother gave her, leaving her room to go outside.

It's spring, and at night she can still feel the breath of winter in the air, like a distant farewell. The sky above her is clear and the stars seem impossibly close - as though she could reach out and pluck them one by one.

At night, the Academy seems both more dangerous and less so. The darkness hides its shadows from her sight, but it doesn't quite manage to make her forget about them - it only makes her want to look over her shoulder twice as often.

When Hotaru hears a branch snap behind her, she grabs the Baka Gun in her pyjama pocket, turns around and shoots. Someone yelps and tumbles to the ground.

"Who's there?," she demands. The person doesn't answer, but "ouffs" and "aahs" instead.

"I asked: Who's there?," she repeats, impatiently. Whoever she hit doesn't seem too impressed by her icy tone.

"I really don't think it's smart to shoot at strangers. I mean, what if you had hurt me? Do you care? Are you insane? Wait, who are you?"

The person sounds both annoyed and baffled. _The boy_ , Hotaru corrects herself. He's sitting on the ground, rubbing his head and glaring at her with eyes as blue as the sky at noon. There is something vaguely familiar about him.

"And I really don't think it's smart to talk back at the person holding the gun, yet here we are," she replies. "And I'm Hotaru Imai. Trust me, you should remember my name."

She turns to walk away and there's noise behind her as the boy scrambles to his feet.

"Wait! You - You're the new girl, right? The inventor?"

Hotaru pauses and glances at him over her shoulder.

"How do you know that?"

The boy lets out an irritated huff. Only now does it register to her that he is holding a rabbit.

"We're in the same class, Imai. I'm Luca Nogi."

That explains why he seems familiar.

"Alright," Hotaru says slowly. Then she turns back around and continues walking. It takes him three quick steps to catch up to her. Her annoyed glare doesn't deter him in the least.

For a while they walk in silence, her trying to ignore her unwanted companion, him watching her closely.

"So…," Luca says, eyeing her with curiosity. "Why are you out so late?"

"It's none of your business," she answers and fastens her steps. He matches her pace.

"You remind me of my best friend," Luca tells her. "He usually says the same thing when I ask him questions. Do you know what I do then?"

"No," Hotaru says, staring straight ahead. "And I do not care."

Luca is unfazed. At this point the dormitories are far behind them, and they are walking towards the northern forest. She ponders whether it would be an overreaction to shoot him and dump his body in the woods.

"I guess the answer until I get it right," he says. "So. You are a rebel and wanted to sneak out past your bedtime. You want to try to escape, which, let me tell you now, won't work. You are an insomniac. You are worried because it's your first day and you can't sleep."

Hotaru cringes at his last guess and although her exterior is as stony as ever, the boy next to her seems to notice the subtle change.

"So you're worried," he says. She glares at him.

"Even if I were, your presence wouldn't improve anything. So how about you go whatever hole you crawled out of and let me stare at the sky in peace?"

Luca sighs.

"Alright," he says. "But if you were worried, I would maybe tell you my secret for worrying and it would maybe help you. Maybe."

"Maybe," she repeats drily.

"Maybe," he agrees. Then he takes two quick steps so he's in front of her and shoves the rabbit he's carrying into her arms. Hotaru recoils.

"What the hell, Nogi?"

"Usagi can smell anxiety. It makes her uncomfortable. So for her sake - and mine - pet her until you feel better so that we can all go to bed in peace."

"Why would I do anything for your sake?," she asks, while quirking an eyebrow at the strange boy in front of her. The rabbit squirms in her arms and her hands move to stroke its fur as if on instinct. Her scowl is as immediate as Luca Nogi's smile.

Hotaru refuses to meet his eyes.

"Your rabbit is well groomed," she admits through clenched teeth.

It's as close to a 'Thank you' as she gets, and she sincerely hopes the boy with the blue eyes doesn't know that.

They stand side by side in silence, her with the rabbit, him with that insufferable smile and her worries tickle away like seconds on a clock.


	2. Chapter 2

**ii.**

* * *

It's past midnight when Mikan falls asleep.

They've been sitting on her creaky one star bed for the past three hours, Hotaru listening closely as her best friend talked about her family, her grandfather, their old school and the latest winners of said school's talent show.

(She pretended to be disinterested of course, but that doesn't stop her from secretly wanting to know that her family is well taken care of, Mikan's grandfather is as strong as ever, her sacrifice saved their school and Akio won because he performed some hipster song in French.)

On her way back to her room, she takes a detour. It isn't unusual for her to be outside after midnight - her feet know where to take her and she trusts their lead. It is a kind of meditation, she supposes. Counting her steps, counting her breaths, counting the stars above. He finds her at the border of the forest.

He usually does.

"So...You kidnapped me," Luca Nogi says.

"After your best friend made us trek through the forest," Hotaru points out.

"True," he admits. "But still...You kidnapped me! You could have just asked for my help, you know?"

No, she couldn't have, she thinks. Because she is loyal to her best friend and he is loyal to his and there is no room, not right now, for a more complicated truth.

"You should be honored, Nogi," she says. "There's people at this school who would pay money to have me kidnap them."

"There's also people at this school who breed giant baby chicken," he shoots back. "I belong to neither group."

Hotaru snorts.

"No, you belong to the group of baby chicken lovers instead. Much better."

Luca mumbles an insult under his breath (he is _awful_ at those, realising that had been delightful for her) and rolls his eyes.

There is no aggression between them at night. She is too tired and he is too open.

* * *

"Your best friend is something else," he tells her, after they've settled in, side by side, to watch the stars.

"Something what? Something stupid? Something exhausting? Something annoying?"

"Something interesting," he replies with a hint of dreaminess in his voice and she files that bit of information away for later use. For a while, there is silence between them, silence and the rhythmic chirping of the crickets. The air is heavy with the weight of summer and Usagi is curled up between them, fast asleep.

Hotaru can hear high schoolers laughing in the distance. It sounds like some sort of party and she wonders whether her brother is among them before deciding that he is too much of a model student to be out this late at night. She still hasn't met him. In a way, it's funny.

Even Mikan, who isn't even a student at the Academy, has managed to find her before her brother.

Hotaru bans her brother from her thoughts, and focusses on the events of today instead.

"Tell Hyuuga to back off," she says to Luca, cocking a gun to underline her words. "I don't care if he's some super secret Alice Academy version of Rambo, she's my best friend. I won't have him mess with her."

"He was just curious," Luca eyes her gun with a hint of nervousness before looking at her. "I don't know why, but he's different around her. He...cares."

"I don't," she informs him. "So make him back off."

He sinks back to lean on his elbows and stares up at the sky.

"If I could make Natsume do anything, asking him not to bother your friend would be the final point on a very long list."

He sounds dejected and she almost finds herself wanting to ask him why. She hits him with the end of her Baka Gun instead and he jerks away from her.

"What was that for?," he demands.

"Sometimes your face makes we want to hit you. It's hardly my fault."

He opens his mouth to argue but takes a deep breath instead.

"You're just mad because I got a better grade than you on that geography exam about the night sky."

His words are like a spell with the unique ability to conjure up annoyance within her.

"Remind me again which one of us needed extra points to get 100% on that exam because he thought Pluto was a planet?"

"I can't believe you deny the existence of Pluto. Actually no," Luca says, "I can believe it. You're evil."

"And you're deluded."

"Well, you're greedy."

"Aw," she snickers. "You can write that onto the wall of my giant marble mansion when I'm rich and you're a homeless vet."

Luca's face lights up like a christmas tree.

"You think I'll be a vet one day,?" he asks her excitedly, switching from playful banter to his hopes for the future in 0.2 seconds. "I want to be a vet one day," he tells her. "So...thank you for saying that."

"I also said you'll be homeless," Hotaru says, but he doesn't seem to care. In fact, he doesn't seem to even remember her insult, and that irks her as much as it makes her want to smile.

The list of things she knows about Luca Nogi grows that night: He is Natsume Hyuuga's best friend. He has the animal pheromone Alice. He thinks Pluto is a planet. He thinks her best friend is interesting. He wants to be a vet.

Hotaru doesn't want to remember those things. Yet somehow, she does.


	3. Chapter 3

**iii.**

* * *

This time, when Hotaru exits her room for her nightly walk, Luca is waiting for her in front of it.

"You should be resting," he says, before she even has a chance to get a word out.

"I've been resting for a month," she replies. "It's more or less all you can do when you're in a hospital bed because of some strange Alice virus."

His eyes darkens at her mention of her illness.

"I'm sorry we took so long," Luca says, and she can hear the guilt in his voice.

Not for the first time, Hotaru wonders whether he accompanied Mikan because of his infatuation with her best friend or because of the strange friendship they have been nurturing. She spends most of her time blackmailing him so the latter seems...illogical. But if there is one thing she has learned about Luca Nogi, then it's that he cares little about logic.

* * *

They settle down on a bench and she listens as he goes over the events of the past weeks: The portal to the outside world, the strange forest with its dangerous trees, the lair of the AAO. He mentions how he got hurt protecting Tsubasa and she can't stop her mind from replaying the image of that over and over. 'Don't ever do that again' is what she wants to say.

"You idiots really do need me to take care of you, huh?," is what she says instead.

Luca scratches his head and blushes bright red in embarrassment.

"I thought we did alright in the forest," he says, "but their headquarters…I can't imagine what would have happened if we didn't have Natsume there with us."

There's that dejected tone again, Hotaru thinks. Somehow it never sits well with her when it comes from him.

She leans back, sorting through the new information that's become available to her. A secret organisation opposing the school, a portal her brother knows about, a woman helping her friends for seemingly no reason. A Stealing Alice.

Luca never interrupts her pondering, choosing to focus instead on stroking Usagi's pristine fur and watching the night sky. It's cloudy, so she doubts there are many stars to be seen. He tries to spot them anyway.

For some reason, internalising what he has told her doesn't ease the foul feeling at the pit of her stomach, that nagging sense of raw emotion. It is fear, of course, she knows it's fear, and her heart feels like a bird trapped in her chest - excruciatingly vulnerable, more painful than all those weeks in her hospital bed. The pain pushes words past her lips that she normally wouldn't have said but can't quite contain right then.

"You could have all been killed. All of you, for what, for - "

"For you," Luca finishes her sentence, without once looking at her. "And for Yuu, and for Mikan and for ourselves, because we're your friends. Because we could actually help you."

He pauses and his glance her way is as fast as the fluttering beat of her heart, so quick Hotaru almost misses it entirely.

"I could actually help my friend," he says, softly. Somehow the words seem heavy with meaning and she doesn't know how to react to his sincerity. He shakes his head, idly fumbling with the sleeve of his pyjamas. They say nothing for a while.

"I'm sorry about Penguin by the way," Luca says eventually. "He was our best ally, and we should have brought him back."

"Penguin was stupid. He shouldn't have sacrificed himself."

"Stupid," he repeats. "Because he protected his friends?"

"Because he made them suffer," she clarified. "It was a mistake in his programming. I can assure you, it won't happen again."

 _Next time_ , Hotaru thinks, _when I save one of you idiots I will make sure that no one else will have to pay the price._

"I don't know," Luca says. "I thought he was brave. I guess he got that from you."

She shrugs off the compliment, refusing to let it stick to any part of her, refusing to let herself feel its warmth.

"Maybe next time something like this happens, I will send out an army of my own robots to save me. It seems to me they are much more efficient."

"Hey-," he begins, voice filled with indignation.

"Faster, too! You do know how uncomfortable hospital beds are, right?"

"You-"

"They might have even filmed the whole thing, so I can watch it afterwards like an adventure movie," she muses to herself, thoughtfully tipping her chin. Luca huffs and crosses his arms and glares at her.

"I'll make sure to record our next adventure for you," he says.

"It better be high quality," she tells him. "1080p, HD. I can't sell anything less than that, I mean what is this, the dark ages?"

"Alright, but if I film it, do I get a share of the profit?" He's half turned towards her now, ready to defend his claim on their hypothetical adventure film as though it's his long lost sibling.

"No," she says.

"Come on!"

"No."

"But-"

"No," she says again. "Please Nogi, as if I'd ever share my profit."

"10%?"

"I said 'no'."

He mumbles something about how unappreciative she is of his (hypothetical) talent as a (hypothetical) cameraman and pats Usagi.

"Meanie," Luca sniffles.

"What a hard-hitting insult," she comments. "You must be so angry at me. I feel so wounded. Whatever will I do without this relationship in my life - Oh. Maybe I _should_ share profit with you. Would that make you happy?"

Her words must startle him, because he sets Usagi down again and turns fully towards her, face lighting up with a smile.

"Really?," he asks, suddenly hopeful. Hotaru snorts.

"No, idiot."

It makes him scowl and her snicker and all's right with the world.

Hotaru's shoulder still aches and her face is as stoic as ever. But as she reaches into her pocket to grab her phone and snap a picture of his flushed face, she finds herself hoping that Luca knows how grateful she is - Grateful he helped Mikan find the antidote, and grateful that he is here now.

It is autumn and the leaves are darkening, but right then on that bench the night isn't cold.


	4. Chapter 4

**iv.**

* * *

Hotaru has long given up trying to find a reason for her insomnia. Perhaps this is a trait all technical abilities share: Maybe their mind let's them do extraordinary things at the cost of ordinary ones. She doesn't mind trading in her sleep, though she does sometimes imagine a world where she isn't awake, wanting to invent but being too tired to make her hands do so.

Then again, she muses, kicking up small stones on the path in front of her, Luca Nogi hardly has the mind of a technical ability type, yet she always meets him during nights like this one. The bumblebee invention she designed the week before is still being tested, but so far it is doing an admirable job, lighting the way while flying at her side. It illuminates her classmate's figure a few steps ahead of her.

He is waiting for her to catch up.

"Enjoying your newly acquired No-Star life,?" Hotaru asks him as a way of greeting. He seems disgruntled as they set out on their way to the forest and she soon realises way: Three golden stars glimmer at the collar of his uniform. Luca catches her gaze and sighs.

"They gave me new ones," he explains. "Apparently the amount of stars I have isn't my choice to make."

"Such a shame," she says "I was looking forward to no longer having to share the three star dormitory with you, but here we are."

"Sorry to inconvenience you, Imai."

"Oh well, I can always shoot you when you get too close. And this way my picture source is closeby!"

His unhappy expression almost makes Hotaru want to stick out her tongue.

"I'm surprised," she comments, flopping down on the bench they've just reached and staring into the forest. "I thought after the stunt we pulled the Academy would punish us, but I suppose they need to keep things quiet."

Luca nods, then pauses. He sits down next to her without meeting her eyes, seemingly nervous.

"About that...stunt. I meant to ask you something…," Luca trails off, only continuing to speak when he catches her impatiently motioning for him to do so. He takes a deep breath.

"Did you mean it,?" Luca asks, and she can sense his agitation. "Did you mean it when we were under the Middle School, looking for Natsume, and you said I should stop being a coward? Is that what you think I am?"

It takes her a moment to remember what he is talking about (between fighting Persona and meeting the MSP, the whole thing wasn't exactly light on details) and her classmate takes those few seconds as hesitation.

"I...I don't care if _you_ think so," he hurriedly assures her, "but with Mikan, it's different."

"Why, because you're in love with her?" Her words come out like a sneer as she remembers the two boys vying for her best friend's attention.

Luca flushes.

"Because unlike you she isn't evil," he grits out between clenched teeth.

She cocks her head to the side, silently agreeing before swiftly hitting him in the side of the head with her gun.

"She doesn't think you're a coward," Hotaru tells him once he's stopped groaning. Luca shoots her a grateful look, the quiet kind of Thank You he knows won't make her hit him as a punishment.

* * *

It's strange. Maybe it's the fact that she should really be sleeping, maybe the events of today are making her crazy. But she suddenly remembers how he called her brave once, all those months ago. It made the scales between them uneven. But normally she would not care for the opportunity to even them back out.

"For what it's worth," she says now, "I don't think you're a coward either. You're just as stupid as Mikan."

 _Not stupid at all_ , she means, _just good_.

Her admission surprises him, but Luca knows better than to mention it. Clearing his throat, he moves onto the next topic.

"So...You've found yourself a fan," he says.

"I've always had fans", Hotaru replies with a smug smile. "This one isn't any different. I just hope he won't annoy me any more than he already has."

Luca rolls his eyes at her.

"Oh, poor Imai, drowning in admires," he says.

Hotaru shrugs.

"They're insane, I tell you."

"Oh, really?" Luca sounds genuinely curious. Hotaru nods sagely.

"Oh yes," she mock-whispers. "One of them even makes me talk to him past midnight. I guess moths just seek out the light that I am on instinct."

Luca's expression is familiar. He usually wears it when she blackmails him with her picture collection.

"You're not the light Imai," he pouts. "You're...you're…"

"Keep going, you're getting there," Hotaru drawls. Luca brings his fingertips to his lips, apparently deep in concentration. After a few seconds he sits up straight, face triumphant.

"You're a sea rabbit!," he says, sounding thrilled with himself. Her brows rise unwittingly.

"What," Hotaru asks, "is that?"

"A very stupid fish. In fact, it barely has any brain cells."

Zoology knowledge strikes again, she thinks, holding back a smile.

The inventor shoots him for that, and again later when they are playing "guess the constellation" and he starts insisting on the existence of Pluto all over again.

They're on their way back to the dormitory when Luca stops walking, making her turn around. He seems serious. The light atmosphere vanishes from the air.

"Do you have a plan?," he asks her.

Hotaru doesn't have to ask for what. They fought for their lives, Mikan's heritage makes her a danger, Natsume's sister was trapped and is now free. They won this match but the Academy will do what it does best: Retaliate, swiftly and efficiently.

"I always do," she promises.

Hotaru has never liked chess - black and white seems like a dangerous simplification of reality - but life makes her play it now. Luca watches her, expectancy evident in his eyes. He trusts her to make the right move and somehow that gives her the confidence to believe that she can beat their all powerful school, that this isn't game-over for any of them.


	5. Chapter 5

**v.**

* * *

Tonight her eyes are heavy, her mind is urging her to sleep, but Hotaru has other plans. Someone is dead and her best friend has been taken and she needs to shoot, to blackmail, to throw all her useless intelligence at something and watch it actually mean something. She does not leave her room to cool her head enough to sleep.

She leaves it to wake up.

He does not want to sleep either, although the events of the day must make him as bone tired as they have made her. Still, she sees him sneak past the last remaining Fuukitai guarding their dormitory. circles around them from the right, she circles around the from the left and they meet, like clockwork, at the bench near the forest.

He stands there, watching the forest and she sits down, watching him.

This is Luca Nogi, who has seen the hell she has seen, the hell that has unnerved her more than she cares to admit.

This is the boy who is in love with her best friend.

Hotaru thinks about shooting a picture of him, only to realise she has left her camera behind. Perhaps it is for the best anyway: She is too tired to distract anyone but herself.

What he thinks about as he stands there, Hotaru will never know. Maybe he has to compose himself, maybe he is wallowing in self pity over giving up and losing the girl he loves.

Feeling impatient at the idea of watching his back for much longer, she starts to speak.

"So, what's next, Nogi?"

He turns around.

"I was going to ask you that," he admits. "I will freely admit I am not the strategic mind of this relationship."

It's an easy question.

"We get Mikan out," Hotaru tells him, "we get the ESP to back down. Then we fix things."

"That seems more like a dream than a plan." Luca's scepticism makes her raise her brows.

"I thought you were a fan of dreams," she says.

"I'm a fan of hope," he clarifies.

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No," he shakes his head and steps forwards. "We are too outnumbered for dreams to save us now. But I do believe that whatever plan we come up with, we need hope to see it through. So...What is the plan?"

Even as exhausted as she is, her mind clings to the question and starts looking for answers. He is right, of course, they are outnumbered. Mikan may be safe but the Academy will do what it must to change their carefully constructed Status Quo. The ESP will bring the fight to them, and they have to be ready. She has to be ready. Inventions start filing in now: Ways to spy on their enemies, way to protect themselves against their enemies. Satisfied, Hotaru stores her ideas away for later use.

"I have some ideas," she assures her friend. "The school will make its move sooner or later. I suggest we prepare for that."

Luca nods, accepting her answer for what it is: A promise.

"I wonder how Mikan feels," he says, walking over to sit next to her. "All alone, after what happened to...to her mum."

Hotaru wonders that, too, but thinking about it for too long makes her heart feel as though it is breaking in two. She waits for him to continue, and eventually, he does, his blue eyes facing upwards.

"Maybe she's like a star now. Yuka, I mean."

"What," Hotaru asks, "a burning, long gone sphere of gas?"

Luca doesn't seem to mind her cynicism, instead opting to shake his head.

"No. Dead but still visible if you look past the clouds."

Trust him to go for the metaphor, she thinks.

"I don't know. I just think it's important that we remember her, you know? That we remember why we're doing any of this. We only lead that Uprising to bring chaos to the school. We caused it to help our friends."

Hotaru wants to argue that they did not cause anything at all, but somehow she finds herself agreeing with his words. He's right, even if they only shoved a stone that was already tumbling downhill. She has never thought much about leading - it means associating herself with larger groups of people and she was fine on her own - but maybe leading was nothing more than being her best self and not backing down.

Hotaru has always been smart, but now that means more than it ever has before. The risks are high, and she is glad not to stand on her own. Mikan Sakura is trapped but there is still Luca at her side.

She may have the quickest mind at school but his heart can match her pace.

In the coldness of the night, Hotaru finds herself shivering. He notices of course, and after setting Usagi down on his lap moves to slip of his jacket and handing it to her. Before she can get a word of protest out, he shoots her a glare.

"Just take the jacket, Imai."

Torn between a shrug and a sigh, she pulls it over her shoulders.

Luca is, she realises, as effortlessly kind as Mikan is, he just hides it better - he wants to hide it. so he lets her blackmail him, and she lets him keep the facade of the unmovable best friend. And Luca Nogi, who smiles at her snide comments and keeps her company at night, Luca Nogi who gives her his jacket without her asking for it, that Luca remains hidden. No, she corrects herself, that isn't quite true. Lately he has changed or perhaps has simply become more like himself, much like she has. He is less scared now of the cruelty inflicted onto the kind. They face cruelty either way.

Usagi has fallen asleep on her lap at this point, a reassuring weight she can't help but be thankful for.

When the sudden need to reassure him overcomes her, Hotaru says: "We aren't powerless, you know? I mean, we have me and I'm brilliant."

Luca laughs.

"True. We have you and your sadistic Baka Gun and Natsume and his fire and Narumi and his pheromones and Mikan, of course. And we still have that," he says, pointing upwards. "The sky's a perfect shade of blue tonight. You can see all of the stars. Sorry," Luca jokes. "All the burning, long gone spheres of gas."

"A perfect shade of blue," she repeats softly, staring at the sky, but catching herself thinking of his eyes instead. Of robot animals, of hundreds of pictures, of hiding in the bushes to spy on their friend.

This is the boy who is in love with her best friend.

This is the boy who cares about his own best friend more than anything, the way she cares about Mikan.

This is the boy who is a pawn far less often than he is her willing assistant.

There are nights like this one where Luca sits next to her and Hotaru let's herself imagine that he is other things, too - let's herself count the hours they spent talking and arguing and tells herself that maybe he is a constant in her life now too, the way Mikan and Subaru and Yuu are.

But...No. He is probably as constant as the stars are constant - gleaming and bright from afar, but quickly gone once she approaches them and Hotaru doesn't make plans based on uncertainties.

Instead of the future, of plans, she thinks of all the things she _does_ know:

Yuka Azumi is dead, Mikan has the Stealing Alice, the ESP wants to kill them, her brother hasn't been to see her in a while, she carries the burden of events long passed, her friends are gone, are hurt, are suffering.

But Luca Nogi is still breathing next to her, and they will find a way out of whatever this is.

There is certainty after all: The world has shifted under their feet, but somehow they have come out of it still standing side by side.


End file.
